My Favorite Seinfeld Moments

Not everyone gets Seinfeld -- and that's not a bad thing. It was a quirky bit of nothingness that blazed across our TV screens like a Tony Danza workout video.

And then sitcoms returned to doing what sitcoms do, with a few more cameras and a bit of multi-plot storytelling thrown in.

Seinfeld was an original. It remains TV's most original comedy. As such, the list of memorable scenes is rather lengthy.

Bill Wolfe won't agree, but these are my top five. All are Kenny Bania-approved. Giddyup!

1. He took ... It out.

I love this scene because it involves all four characters and they all have hilarious turns at the material. And let's be honest -- it's a great concept and a great line. Anybody that you can't immediately bond with over a "He took it out" quip isn't a true Seinfeldian.

This is quite simply a masterpiece of comic genius from JLD. Julia owns the scene from start to finish. In fact, if she were to expire tomorrow and need a one-minute audition tape to get into comedy heaven, this is all she needs.

My favorite part is Elaine fogging up her glasses in the middle of the money line.

"He took (blows on glasses) it out."

Now Jerry is a comedian and not an actor. But as he often did, he raises his game here. I never felt Seinfeld was acting in these scenes. He's just a funny guy riffing with a funny girl.

"So you're talking, having a pleasant conversation, and all of a sudden..."

"It."

"It."

"Out."

"Out."

Throughout this marvelous exchange, Julia delivers several clever comebacks in modulated tones. Then Kramer enters and, unlike Jerry, needs no explanation at all.

"Well, maybe it needed air. It can't breathe in there!"

The topic is on such a wonderful roll, it continues in the ensuing scene -- with Jerry recounting the events for George. And George gets his great line.

"I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought about taking mine off."

2. The Opposite.

This is here because "The Opposite" is my Seinfeld nirvana. Larry David and Jerry at their Mt. Everest of nothingness. I picture Larry coming up with this premise and then writing the entire episode in 20 minutes. It practically writes itself.

The story arc is perfect Seinfeld quirkiness: the ever pessimistic, neurotic George concocting a scheme to reverse his lifetime curse by simply ignoring his base instincts.

This is Jason Alexander's tour de force. There are so many great lines ("Why shave every day; It just grows back") and scenes here that I want to just list the entire episode. But to narrow it down to one scene leaves only one choice: the opening.

To watch George seize on this wackadoodle idea is hysterical. Of course, Jerry is there to do what Jerry always does to his pal, that is, egg him on. Elaine provides wonderful nonverbal reactions that keep the scene moving along nicely.

It all ends up at the usual place -- comic gold -- as George approaches a woman at the coffee shop, something he would never do.

"My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."

"I'm Victoria. (big smile) Hi."

What makes the episode and scene work so marvelously is how George's crazy idea is actually quite sensible. We believe what we are seeing because we know the secret George doesn't know. That his belief in this hairbrained scheme has given him a belief in himself. He has confidence and that is why he gets the girl, and a job with the New York Yankees.

Of course, George doesn't see it. He wouldn't be George if he did, right?

3. She's Bald!

Another ensemble piece with everybody chipping in. This one is here because (obviously) it's a very funny scene. But it's also a landmark moment in the series, the scene where George's unending obsession with his baldness reaches its pinnacle.

But first, a comment on the writing. Superb as usual. One reason I give few sitcoms a chance is the lame writing. I know it is a lot more difficult than it seems, but if I can guess your lame punch lines in my head, then I'm not going to watch.

Few shows can write lines like this: "Let me tell you something. No one walks into a beauty parlor and says 'Give me the Larry Fine.'"

The scene rachets up when Elaine calls George out for his shameless hypocrisy.

"You're rejecting somebody because they're bald."

"So?"

You're bald!"

Elaine is a classic sassy broad and she's having none of George's bullshit. The confrontation is just what George needs to deal with the bald issue once and for all and go on to a happy life. Well, not necessarily happy, per se, but he's back to being George.

"You're like a bald again," Jerry quips.

4. Worlds collide.

This was a tough one between worlds collide and "we're not men." This is from our Seinfeld for Singles collection. Single men, that is.

Let's face it, Seinfled is a guy's show. The majority of characters, regular and recurring, were male. Even Elaine is the type of gal who is more likely to have guy friends than girlfriends.

 As a guy's show, the Seinfelders covered relationship issues mainly from a guy's perspective. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Whenever I see the episode with Marcy yada yadaing sex, I think "a guy wrote that line." Doesn't make it any less funny.

The world's collide concept once again puts George in the lead. Guys recognize this as one of those quirky concepts that make perfect sense to us. But only Seinfeld would tackle it in a TV show.

It's out of character for Jerry not to know the worlds concept, but necessary for plot purposes. George's impassioned explanation is what makes this scene memorable. Scenes like this won Jason regular Emmy nominations.

"If Relationship George walks through that door, he will kill Independent George! A George divided against itself cannot stand!"

"It's all just slippin' away... and you're lettin' it happen!"

5. Super Bowl sex romp.

The last spot is the hardest and this is the third time I am rewriting this section. "The Marine Biologist" (my second-favorite episode) was initially here, then I considered terrific scenes from "The Contest" and "The Pilot."

In the end, I could not leave off what I consider possibly the greatest single line in Seinfeld history. You know the one:

"I don't trust this guy. I think he regifted, and then he de-gifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp."

This is Seinfeld in one sentence -- why people either love it or hate it. I get that some people find it a little too smart-alecky, but those of us who love it, love it for the clever originality.

It was never banal. It was never trite. And I doubt we'll ever see anything like it again.